Thursday, October 20, 2011

Thankful Thursday

1) First, thank you Rebecca for hosting these! Thankful Thursdays along with today's post by the lovely Lauren are a great reminder that we all have much MORE to be grateful for than we usually think...

2) My wonderful, amazing husband. (He's always going to be at the top of my list). He's compassionate, caring, generous, thoughtful, hard-working and the bestest friend ever. I'm so lucky to be his wife!!

3) All of you bloggers... your comments on my last post gave me so much hope... and I don't feel quite so alone now. THANK YOU!!

4) Our agency... AFTH. We're having a class this Saturday for waiting parents, and the topic is relationships with birthparents. There will be (I think) 2 birthmothers along with the adoptive families there to talk with us. I'm really looking forward to it. And hopefully, we're soon to receive our home study approval. The next job is to complete our profile book and video. Then we're "in the books"!

5) Ahhh... it's that time of year. It's fall. Which means football season. GO STEELERS! And hockey season. GO PENS!!! :-D

6) I'm thankful for the challenge of a dairy-less pizza. I just started trying to go without dairy 2 weeks ago, and have noticed a bit of a difference already. It's essentially paleo- meats, fish, eggs, and lots of fruits and veggies. Nuts and good oils for fats. We'll see. Obviously, I'll never go back to gluten, but dairy I may end up cheating on every now and then!! So anyway, tomorrow's pizza will be topped with fresh tomatoes, spinach, green peppers, sausage and maybe a bit of onion. I'm going to stick with my GF dough, since I still have a ton of packages left!

7) A wedding date (my mom's birthday!), church, reception hall, and dress for my sister V's wedding. She found the dress when I was visiting a few weeks ago. She looks BEAUTIFUL!! :) Please pray that she finds a photographer soon! :)

What are you thankful for today?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

CD1 through 3...

Warning... this is not a happy post.

CD1 arrived... in the middle of mass... this past Sunday... on the Feast of St. Gerard. Lovely.

Later that evening I had a wonderful sob-fest on my DH's shoulder (seriously, he is a saint to put up with me), after reading about yet another person who had Crohn's disease who essentially cured it by DIET. Not by steroids (though she had been on LOADS of them, just like me), not by having her colon removed, but by DIET. That's it. So cheap (well, except that organics and a gluten and dairy free diet are not particularly cheap which is what I'm doing now), and so simple. Why, oh why, wasn't I more persistent? Why did I just accept the doctor's answer when he said there are no links? How can there NOT be??? If you're putting something in your body that your body doesn't like, OF COURSE there will be a reaction. And it certainly makes sense that if it's food, your body will react somewhere along the digestive tract. Part of me knows (and DH said this too) that I did the best I could at the time, but the word that just kept coming to me on Sunday night was failure. I'm failing in what is supposed to come so naturally. If it weren't for my colectomy, I probably wouldn't have so much trouble conceiving. My hormone levels are good now. CM is usually pretty good (some cycles not so much, others it's great). But all the adhesions... my uterus fused to the back of my abdominal wall. The tubes and ovaries buried in a mass of adhesions. For 6 YEARS before I got married and tried to conceive. I was so utterly clueless. And... I just feel like such a failure.

I used to thank God all the time for my surgery because I was so sick before. And I was so happy not to be going to doctors offices every few weeks. Little did I know... it wasn't really a cause for rejoicing. It was only going to give me more YEARS of grief. I would laugh at the irony of it all, except it's not funny any more. Not at all.

Yesterday, CD2 had me running late for mass (I slept in because really, all I want to do is stay in bed and be miserable), missing communion because we have a new pastor who doesn't yet know me (our previous one was really kind in whenever I would be late (which I try very hard not to be) he would have one of the servers get the extra chalice). So... no communion for me. And I just started crying... pretty much the whole mass. Trying very hard not to make it obvious. Afterwards, I planned to wait a little longer than usual so the church would be really cleared out before I left, and a old lady came up to me to tell me I could go receive communion after mass... I really wanted to yell at her! A sweet little old lady! IF I CAN'T RECEIVE THE HOST DURING MASS, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN RECEIVE IT OUTSIDE MASS?! Fortunately, I didn't yell that at her, I just told her I wasn't feeling well, and hoped she would go away. But I wasn't very kind.

I hate the person that I become when IF rears its ugly head. And I feel powerless to stop it.

At the post office, this morning (after I took a pregnancy test to make sure I'm "not" pregnant before taking the Letrezole-  ha!) I dropped off some final papers for our SW for the home study. On my way out, a lovely and VERY pregnant woman was standing at the self-mailer. Seriously? Why couldn't it have been an old man with a cane or something? I arrived home and pulled into the driveway only to have my neighbor getting out of her car with her BRAND NEW baby. Yeah... it's obviously going to be one of those weeks.

I feel like St Theresa... "If this is how you treat your friends, Lord...."

Maybe in a few days, I'll take this post down. It's so depressing. Ugh. I sure hope it blows over soon.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Saturday Snapshots

1) The adoption class was terrific. It was so nice to meet the SWs in the agency since they'll be the ones we work with once the HS is completed. I have to start working on our profile book though now - we have to make 15 copies (they are 10 pages long (either single sheet or 5 front-back) so that each agency can give them to the birthmothers. We also have to make a DVD - once the birthmom narrows her selection, she'll usually watch 3-5 interviews with each prospective family. They're about 5 minutes long... and the agency has a company they work with specifically in each region. We watched a few to give us an idea of what the finished product looks like. It doesn't look like I'll be able to play the piano though! Not unless I can drag it into the studio, haha. :)

2) I'm enjoying reading the Prayer Buddy reveals. I knew it was coming up but it was the week of piano camp; I was packing for 2 vacations, and getting ready for the kitchen remodel; and then official sign-up occurred during our vacation and I wasn't online that much to remember to sign-up. So... I missed it this time around. :( I'm looking forward to Advent prayer buddies!! I've been praying for all of you when I read your posts though!

3) MY SISTER V. IS ENGAGED!!! I am over-the-moon excited. :-) Wedding planning is in full swing. Next week I'll have a chance to do some dress shopping and probably reception-site shopping. They haven't set a date yet, which probably depends mostly on the reception site. They are considering a Friday wedding, I think. The only trouble is that the groom's family lives quite far away... he doesn't expect a ton of people to travel, but no one in his immediate family lives close. A Friday wedding means more time off work for people. But - we've had 3 cousins in CA with Friday weddings, and have attended a few others, so it seems like they're more popular. Plus, they're cheaper! :)

4) And hot on V's tail is my sister S!!! She and her boyfriend got together with my parents earlier this week for dinner to discuss getting engaged sometime before Christmas and married sometime next summer - after V. that is! I can't believe there might be 2 weddings in the family! S hasn't been dating her boyfriend all that long... but I really can't point fingers since DH and I only dated 3 months before getting engaged! I guess when you know, you know... :) Please pray for both sisters. Both will have to move. I remember how difficult it was to make friends at first after I got married and moved to a new city. Fortunately my sister M was only 20 minutes away. That helped tremendously. V will be a few hours from me so hopefully that will help.  S will be 2 hours from home, but she suffers from anxiety (she has a history of depression too) and any change is difficult for her. Hopefully the months of planning the wedding will help her adjust and prepare for the change.

5) We're going to surprise DH's brother tomorrow evening!!!! I'm so excited!!! :-D He is performing in the Music Man and while he knows his parents and another brother/SIL are coming, he doesn't expect DH and me. Woo-hoo! Can't wait to see him, and the show. I was in the pit orchestra in high school for Music Man and know it well. BIL is part of the quartet.

6) I joined our church choir this year. I've really missed being part of an ensemble. If I had to choose, I'd rather play an instrument (I was in a handbell choir for awhile before I got married and LOVED it) but singing is good for me... I sang soprano for years and years until finally singing alto one semester in undergrad when I realized that was what I should have been doing all along. I always hear the top notes of a chord - never the inner voices. Singing alto helps tremendously. :)

Happy weekend, everyone!! :)
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