Monday, December 26, 2011

Advent Prayer Buddy

This Advent I was blessed to pray for J at A Green Keen and a Black High Heel. J, I offered my daily mass and Rosary for you and your intentions, and remembered you during my Friday Adoration hour. I've enjoyed reading your blog posts! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

Friday, December 16, 2011

To the left of the zeros...

Thank you all so much for your prayers and comments on my last post... I'm feeling much better today. Yesterday was still somewhat tough, but not as bad as Wednesday. Sometimes I feel like I handle CD1 okay... others, well... as you could see, not so much. Your prayers were most definitely felt!! I am grateful.

Today during Mass I started remembering a point from The Way by St. Josemaria.
Cast away that despair produced by the realization of your weakness. -- 
It's true: financially you are a zero, in social standing another zero, 
and another in virtues, and another in talent...
But to the left of these zeros is Christ... And what an immeasurable figure it turns out to be.

I'm going to put a big fat ONE in front of the 50% that Dr. S. gave me after my last surgery. Take that, IF!!! :) 

Now, my mood just might have also been helped by a successful shopping outing this morning signifying that I'm done with Christmas shopping. Battling it out in the mall that is. I have a few more gift cards to get, but they're easy. 

And.... it could also be helped by these:

Arrived yesterday. Actually comfortable. Got them for over 70% off.

At least my mood, anyway. ;)

Happy Friday everyone!

ps: At the mall, I was really surprised by how many people actually wished me a Merry Christmas! Awesome!! :)

For you, Kerry... (yes, I am slightly obsessed with peep-toed little numbers right now!! These can be found at White House Black Market.)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

On Joy

At mass this morning, as I started feeling CD1 mild cramping, I began counting...

4 1/2 years of trying to conceive
55 FAILED cycles
One 5 1/2 hour surgery
One 9 1/2 hour surgery
One 2 1/2 hour surgery
Countless blood draws
Hormone pill on top of hormone pill (who knows how many I've swallowed?)

What is it, something like 4,000+ abortions a day, Lord, and I'm kept waiting for one BFP???

I could go on and on...

The numerous pregnancies that have been announced, that fill me with joy and yet tear my heart out at the same time.

Wondering how in the world I'm going to handle it when my wonderful sister gets married next summer and most likely is pregnant within a few months??

The homily this morning (the Feast of St. John of the Cross) was obviously about the Cross... and alternately about the Dark Night of the Soul. The testing that God allows some souls to go through - when the soul feels abandoned by God... when prayer is dry and lacking desire.

My tears were exactly for that reason... I don't want to pray. I don't want to be at mass (well, I sort of still want to be there). I don't want to pray the Rosary. I don't want to talk to Our Lady (she after all, was pregnant! Never mind that it was the work of the Holy Spirit... again, CD1 here, obviously I'm lacking rational thought). I don't want to talk to Our Lord because I. am. just. so. mad. at. him.

To be honest, the thought I kept coming back to, was... I hate you for doing this to us!!! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!? (Yeah.... that's a terrific way to prepare to receive him in Holy Communion.)

And of course, right before communion, the communion antiphon was "whoever wishes to come after me must  deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me, says the Lord." 

WHAM. That one hurt.

I've had about enough of this cross, Lord!!!

On my drive home, I was also thinking - It's Advent! What happened to joy and peace? What happened to hope?? I have none!! I don't even know how to get it back! Each Advent, each Christmas, is yet another marker of another year that I am not a mother. That my amazing husband is not a father. And for the thousandth time thinking my husband deserves better than me! He should be married to a woman who can give him children!

It breaks my heart. I was sobbing when I got home. Wanting to throw something across the room... I hate CD1. I hate that I know it's coming today by the cramping, but it's still not here. Like it's a promise of hope... but I know - I KNOW - it's not.

Are you even listening, God? Do you even care??

I'm here

I couldn't have heard it more clearly... I checked my email shortly after getting home and remembered that Silhouette is having a Christmas freebie shape each day. What is the one today? 

He's listening. He hears my pain. And... the one thing he desires for me this Advent is it's return.


Monday, December 5, 2011

My first Award! :)

Wow! My first award(s)! A big, big, big thank you to these 3 lovely ladies JennyKaren and Renewing Moments!!

Apparently my head must be in the sand (or, in cookie dough (see previous post)) but I completely missed that I had been nominated! So thank you, thank you, thank you!!

The Liebster Award spotlights up and coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers.  In return for the award, the recipient bestows the award on five of their favorite bloggers.  

I tried to find bloggers for my 5 picks who have not been nominated yet, but there may be duplicates....

My nominees are:
1. Patiently Waiting

Jeremiah and AYWH's blogs were the first blogs I began reading - a little over a year ago! Without their willingness to record their struggle with IF and their adoption stories, I wouldn't be blogging, and I certainly wouldn't be adopting... and I would still feel very much alone as an infertile Catholic. 

But really - ALL of the blogs I follow are my favorites. :) It's hard to pick just five! I feel so blessed to be part of this community!

Upon receipt of the Liebster Blog Award, there are a few very simple rules: (BUT NO PRESSURE!)

1. Copy and paste the award on your blog
2. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you
3. Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
4. Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Quick Takes (UPDATED with Recipe!)

The Christmas Cookie edition.

So the kitchen is a disaster area for the umpteenth time this week because of the following. In no particular order....

1) Anise cookies (these are little flat cookies that are delicious! A family tradition and one of my most favorites)

2) Pizzelles

3) Peanut Butter balls

4) Almond butter balls (same recipe as number 3, but since my sister is allergic to peanuts, I thought I'd try an almond variety)

(*Note - the chocolate on #3 and #4 is hardening around me as I write. I think there are about 6 dozen total!)

5) Pecan tassies (yummy - with a cream cheese crust)

6) Cream Cheese Dreams

7) Pecan snowballs

8) Old-fashioned sugar cookies (These delicious things pretty much melt in your mouth. A college friend's recipe. Yum!)

I have a few more to make - Raspberry Stripes, "S" cookies (your basic buttery spritz cookie, but my Granny always made them in the shape of S's), , Thumbprints and Sugar cookie cut-outs. Oh, and Peppermint bark! Then I'm done!

I could really use a nice mug of tea right now and any of the above... but I'll refrain. For a little bit. A very little bit.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Here's the recipe, Lisa!
1/2 cup Butter
1/2 cup Canola Oil
1/2 cup Granulated sugar
1/2 cup Powdered sugar
1/2 tsp. Vanilla
1 Egg
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Cream of Tartar
1/2 tsp Salt
2 cups Flour
Extra granulated sugar for dipping

Cream Butter & Sugars. Add eggs & Vanilla. Mix dry ingredients, and add to wet. (It says to sift the dry ingredients but I never do!)
Roll tsp. of dough into a ball, then in granulated sugar. Press down on greased cookie sheet with glass dipped in sugar.

Bake 10-12 minutes at 375 until light golden brown.

Enjoy!! :)
(ps - they are really good with a nice cup of tea!)
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