Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Please Pray!!

My surgery is tomorrow morning... I'm checked in at the hospital, am no longer eating, and am really ready to have it over and done with! :) 

Checked in at the hotel and there was a lovely brochure for room service breakfasts, complete with photo. Haha! I don't want that to tempt me!!

Please pray... and ask any prayer warriors you know to do the same. Much appreciated.

During my recovery, I'll post about the really fun weekend my DH surprised me with!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

1 week countdown...


About a week from now, I'll be done with the first surgery. I'm really hoping it doesn't take that long - my last surgery was over 5 hours, and after being told it would be shorter, I know my DH and parents were getting antsy, to say the least! I'm still nervous about it, but relieved in many ways to have finally decided to proceed with it. And I'm looking forward to catching up on sleep during my recovery. Is that weird? :)
I'm also really looking forward to this weekend. It's my DH's birthday and he is surprising me!! I have no idea where we're going, other than that we're definitely driving. He told me to pack a swimsuit and snow pants. Hmmm... that's helpful. :-D I'm not sure if we're going somewhere where I will actually need both, or if he's just preparing me for anything to throw me off track. In any case, this will only be our second trip together since our honeymoon. We've gone on lots of vacations, but they have all been with family. Don't get me wrong - I love both our families (we are both so, so blessed to love our in-laws!) but it is wonderful to get away just the two of us. I can't wait! I love surprises, even though I always beg for hints. :-D

Monday, February 14, 2011

Insensitivity

Sometimes I wonder why I am so private about suffering with IF. At other times, I am reminded quite clearly that it is better to be silent and NOT share your pain.

This morning was one such time. I'm still hurt and irritated by what happened.

I was talking with several women whom I know (some well, others not as much). All of them do know that I am having surgery next week, but some did not know why. One of the woman asked the date of the surgery because she had been praying. I told them the date and explained it was to remove adhesions from a prior surgery. She then asked how I knew about the adhesions - was I having bleeding, pain... etc... Well, I answered, point blank, that my husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3 1/2 years with no success. She was kind of taken aback, but hey - she asked the question! Don't always expect a pretty answer when someone is having surgery!! In any case, I also mentioned that the surgery was no guarantee of success. 

Not one minute later - perhaps, not even 30 seconds later, she proceeded to proudly announce to us gathered there that her daughter-in-law was pregnant, and that she's only been married 2 months.

Seriously??

Seriously??? 

Did she honestly think that that moment was an appropriate time to make that announcement? 

I hope, hope, hope, that infertility has made me more sensitive to the pain of others than what was shown to me this morning. Yes, I know this woman has been praying for me. And I know she will continue to do so. And I certainly would not wish this kind of suffering on anyone. I really wouldn't. It grieves me tremendously to see others suffering with the same cross. 

But this morning I really didn't want to be reminded that for some it takes 2 months. I've had well over 40 failed cycles. And sometimes, the blindness to the suffering of others just really catches me off guard. 

And it hurts like crazy.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Why I Love My Husband (2)


So on Sunday, after my beloved Steelers lost in the Superbowl (yikes, it hurts to type that!!) my husband asked me if I was sad. When I replied in the affirmative, he said "Don't worry... The sun'll come out tomorrow... bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow... there'll be sun..."

Of course, now that song has been stuck in both our heads for the past 3 days, haha. :)

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Retreat and a Surgery Date

I LOVE silent retreats. It is so wonderful to get away and spend time before Our Lord. I remember going to my first retreat in 2006 and wondering how on earth I was going to be quiet for so long. :)
(Side note: I consider myself shy. I’m more outgoing than I used to be, and those who know me think “Shy? What are you talking about?”. Warning!! I become very talkative once I feel comfortable around someone. :-D I’m also much better talking one on one than in large groups. My grandmother tells a story of watching me as a small child one time and apparently I wouldn’t shut up the entire evening. We’re talking hours (literally hours)…. In any case, being silent for 3 days had me nervous at first.)
But then, I grew to LOVE silence. Silence before the tabernacle. Silence in the morning. Silence at meals. Silence at night. Praying. Listening to meditations given by awesome priests who know just the right combination of serious and funny. 
The topics of the meditations are pretty similar year to year, yet always have the power to make me think about my life now. During one meditation on the Prodigal Son, the priest mentioned that sin is a away of saying “I’m not really convinced that Our Lord’s Will will make me happy.” As a (trying-to-be!) faithful Catholic, my husband and I are not going to go against the teachings of the Church in our efforts to conceive a child. But - do I really believe that His will WILL make me happy? That it’s the best for me? To be honest, I sometimes question that it is. 
But again, we think about the Prodigal Son. He repented of his sin. He planned to return to his father. He even planned a speech! But what does his father do when he sees him in the distance? He runs to him. He RUNS!!!
Of course there was also a meditation on prayer. The priest told us a story of one woman he knows who prayed for years that her husband would convert to the Catholic faith. Years. First one… then two… ten… twenty… and finally, 49 YEARS later, he woke up one morning and said to her “I think I need to become Catholic. I’m not really sure why.” Her thought was “I know why!!” 49 YEARS!! Our Lord is pleased by our perseverance. And our faith. He promises us over and over again throughout the Gospels to pray more and more, with more and more belief. He promises to always hear and answer them. Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you will find…
Sometimes I forget that I am in time. God is outside of it. He sees everything. When I think that God hasn’t heard my prayer, do I give up? He has many good reasons for not answering them immediately. If he did, I wouldn’t have such an opportunity to grow in faith. He wants to give blessings… That your joy may be full. Do I have the conviction that my prayers are heard by Our Lord? Sometimes I doubt. But they ARE heard. Maybe the answer isn’t an immediate yes, like I want it to be. Maybe it isn’t the way I always imagine things to be. But his will IS perfect. And it is the one that will bring me closest to Him.
So yes, I had an AWESOME retreat. :)
And then… the morning after returning from my retreat - WHAM! I received the call from the doctor’s office to schedule my surgery. Talk about bringing me back to earth. And anxiety. It’s scheduled for February 23. I was kind of shaky when I got off the phone and then I remembered what I should be doing instead of worrying about it - PRAY! Let God worry about it. I have other things to do. So there. Take it God! I don’t want it! I feel better already… :)
Don’t get me wrong though - any prayers for February 23rd are most welcome. It’s time to storm heaven!
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