Monday, February 14, 2011


Sometimes I wonder why I am so private about suffering with IF. At other times, I am reminded quite clearly that it is better to be silent and NOT share your pain.

This morning was one such time. I'm still hurt and irritated by what happened.

I was talking with several women whom I know (some well, others not as much). All of them do know that I am having surgery next week, but some did not know why. One of the woman asked the date of the surgery because she had been praying. I told them the date and explained it was to remove adhesions from a prior surgery. She then asked how I knew about the adhesions - was I having bleeding, pain... etc... Well, I answered, point blank, that my husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3 1/2 years with no success. She was kind of taken aback, but hey - she asked the question! Don't always expect a pretty answer when someone is having surgery!! In any case, I also mentioned that the surgery was no guarantee of success. 

Not one minute later - perhaps, not even 30 seconds later, she proceeded to proudly announce to us gathered there that her daughter-in-law was pregnant, and that she's only been married 2 months.



Did she honestly think that that moment was an appropriate time to make that announcement? 

I hope, hope, hope, that infertility has made me more sensitive to the pain of others than what was shown to me this morning. Yes, I know this woman has been praying for me. And I know she will continue to do so. And I certainly would not wish this kind of suffering on anyone. I really wouldn't. It grieves me tremendously to see others suffering with the same cross. 

But this morning I really didn't want to be reminded that for some it takes 2 months. I've had well over 40 failed cycles. And sometimes, the blindness to the suffering of others just really catches me off guard. 

And it hurts like crazy.


  1. Sometimes I wonder whether the best move would be to say, "That's delightful for your DIL, but surely you must realize that announcement would be hurtful to me?" I mean, maybe it...hasn't occurred to her? Is that possible? I don't usually come right out and say, "What were you thinking just now when you said that?" but sometimes I really want to know!

  2. ugggg.... so sorry!

    Infertility sensitivity training needed!

  3. Sorry, I know this is an older post, but I just have to say: Ay, ay, ay! Really? I seriously don't understand what goes through people's heads. I don't think people understand how hard IF is. They probably think, "Oh well, at least you don't have to wake up at 3 AM to change a diaper!" or something.

    Praying for a swift recovery from your surgery, btw! :)


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