Monday, February 4, 2013

Adoption - Discernment

Questions for Adoptive Mothers -- or those Discerning Adoption:

1.  How did you know when to begin the adoption process?
DH & I had been trying to conceive for 3 1/2 years by the time we started to consider looking into adoption. We always talked about wanting a large family and we were open to life from the beginning of our marriage. I had already had 1 surgery to remove adhesions from 2 prior surgeries- a colectomy due to Crohn's disease. We really felt like we were coming to the end of treatment for IF - at least our options. Before we did decide on applying with the agency we chose, I decided to go through 2 more surgeries with my doctor (who had said after his first surgery with me that he recommended another). I didn't want regrets following me into adoption. We felt we were being open to life no matter how it came to us and we left that part up to God.

2.  Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted?  What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions? We are still open to life if God chooses to bless us this way. :) I'm no longer on medications (right before we adopted we found out I wasn't actually ovulating - LUFS - luteinized unruptured follicle syndrome) and even with trigger shots, I wouldn't actually ovulate. That kind of led me to "give up" in a sense. I really felt that I needed to let God take over here - if he wants us to conceive, it's in his hands. We aren't focused on it like we were, but neither are we avoiding. I will add that it's really hard, after tracking my cycles for so long, to not consciously think "oh, I'm fertile now", but then I remember I might not actually ovulate. That still stings, but to a lesser degree now that we've adopted. I continue to pray that I be content - and happy - that adoption may be the way I am meant to always grow my family.

3.  Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption?  What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption? We were on the same page - as soon as I suggested contacting an agency to go to an info session, DH was all for it. I think he was ready even before I was, though he didn't mention it. But I think both of us were just getting tired of all the treatments; plus DH had already turned 40. Some agencies (not the one we chose) do not allow couples to adopt if you're over 45. That may be just newborns - you might be able to adopt older children - I can't recall exactly. But if you're the one ready? Just pray. Pray like mad! I would recommend St. Joseph as he was Jesus' adoptive father! :)

4.  How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents? We knew almost immediately we were interested in domestic adoption. I really had my heart set on a newborn - I wanted to be there for all the "firsts". Initially I would have said I didn't want an open adoption, yet the more we learned, the more we realized that it really was in the best interests of the child to have the option of contact - even if it wasn't much. I really felt it was in the child's best interest. Children are curious - and the more questions I was able to answer, I felt would be better for them.

5.  Adoption can be really expensive.  What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all? 
Again, pray. Pray and trust that God will provide. We were fortunate to be able to put the funds together due to an old investment. I know there are grants (we wouldn't have qualified) and other options available, you just have to look. Also, many employers offer some reimbursement to the costs; the company my DH works with, does.

6.  Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth?  If you've never been pregnant, do you feel like you missed out on this experience? Absolutely. I'm the one who got up with C in the middle of the night for feedings (and still do occasionally), I changed his diaper, and he knew my voice and recognized me as mom very quickly - I was amazed at how he would search for me. I am his mother - I'm who he knows. Same thing with DH. He's definitely C's dad! I can already tell they are going to be very much alike!! 
Sure - I miss the opportunity to be pregnant, but I realize that just may be the cross I always have to carry. I only pray that I can carry it better now than I have in the past. Perhaps some day I can say I no longer wish to conceive a child, but I'm not quite there yet.

7.  What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption? I enjoyed reading the following books. I also read a TON of blogs! :)

8.  What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?
The joy. I LOVE being a mom. I know the wait prepared me to be a much better mom. I appreciate the little moments more, I'm much more patient than I thought I would be and I don't take anything for granted. I remember so well how much I went through to get here. And every day I get to wake up to this face....




If any you want to write your own post, here are the questions to copy & paste! :)
1.  How did you know when to begin the adoption process?
2.  Did you ever feel like you failed at TTC (and were giving up "trying") so that's why you adopted?  What suggestions do you have for those working through these emotions?3.  Were you and your husband on the same page about adoption?  What suggestions do you have for a spouse who may not be as excited as the other about adoption?
4.  How did you work through figuring out where to adopt from, how open to be, and what type of communication to have with your child's birthparents?
5.  Adoption can be really expensive.  What recommendations do you have to work through the financial aspect of it all?
6.  Do you truly feel like a mother even though you didn't give birth?  If you've never been pregnant, do you feel like you missed out on this experience?
7.  What prayers and/or books do you recommend for those discerning whether or not to pursue adoption?
8.  What has been the best part about being an adoptive mother?

4 comments:

  1. I LOVE this!! Thanks for sharing your discernment process & journey! :-)

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  2. Thanks for sharing this! We are looking to start our home study soon, in the next couple of months. Please keep us in prayer!

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  3. Thanks for sharing this! THis is very helpful! Coming across this today is God's perfect timing.

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  4. Thank you for sharing this. It is very helpful as my husband and I begin to make plans for adoption.

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