Friday, February 7, 2014

For 28 hours, we were 4

Yes... that's right. I hesitate to even hit publish on this post, because it really seems like just a dream. We got a call a week ago that a birthmother had chosen us to be parents of her little girl. In shock and amazement, I let the sweet ladies from my book club clean up the kitchen and take care of the babes (there were 4 little boys all around C's age running around) while I called family to share the news, ask for help (we weren't sure C would be allowed in the hospital with us so were looking for friends to watch him, but it turns out he was allowed) and get some things packed. DH arrived home as soon as he could (it was out of state and we were needed there as soon as we could get there). Less than 5 hours later, we arrived, signed the paperwork, met the birthmother and met our "daughter."We held her briefly - we hadn't packed dinner, other than some snacks and food for C, and needed to get back on the road so that C could get some sleep. (He napped relatively well on the ride there.) My parents arrived just before midnight. I think I got to bed around 2:00?! We were up to go to Mass at 8, then made a run to BRUs for some formula and cute girl clothes. Oh, and newborn diapers. :) We had a few other things we had to take care of before we got on the road again. When we were just about to the exit for the hospital, we got the "other call"... the one no adoptive parent ever wants to receive. "She has changed her mind. She is going to parent."

DH and I thanked the Lord for a few little things - mainly, that we hadn't decided on a name. We had it narrowed down, but weren't sure. I didn't order a bunch of supplies to make the homemade formula (not that I can't use it for the next baby, but still, we hesitated and I'm glad it won't be arriving this week in the mail). I didn't order a bunch of things from Etsy. I could return a bunch of things to the store. And that we had so many people praying for peace for us, that we felt it. We barely had time to process it. It was almost like we visited a friend in the hospital, saw the baby, and came home. And that was it. There are so many couples we know who have had a failed adoption much later in the process. We never had custody of her. I thank God for protecting our hearts. Next time He may ask more, I don't know. On the ride home we simply said to one another - we have each other, we have C, and we trust God with our family. I never thought my infertile self would be able to say that and mean it. We trust God with our family. 

Adoption is a very tricky thing to pray for. In a perfect world, there would be no need for adoption because birthparents would be able to provide for and care for their children. There would be no infertility.

It's not a perfect world.

There is infertility, and there are children who need parents other than those who gave them life. So we pray for the next child who God asks us to parent, whenever he or she comes along.

We thank Him for the gift of that sweet and precious little girl. She was not meant for us, so we will pray for her and her mother. I ask you to do the same.

14 comments:

  1. Praying for you two! I have a friend going through it right now (been chosen, open adoption, but can change mind at anytime).

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear this. I heard from a friend (your co-parishioner, and an adoptive parent) that you had been matched. So sad to hear it didn't work out, and I can only imagine how hard this must be for all of you. God willing all works out in the best way possible for the baby, and you are matched any day with a baby who is an even greater blessing for your family.

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions. You are handling it so well.

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  4. I'm so sorry. I sent up some prayers for you at noon mass today.

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  5. I am so deeply sorry. Your family as well as this precious little girl and her birth mom will be in my prayers.

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  6. I am so sorry this didn't work out for you. My prayers are with you!

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  7. Been thinking and praying for you. How beautiful...we trust God with our family-- that's so counter-cultural! :). Much love

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  8. Oh I'm so sorry to read this. :( You are so strong and will be in my prayers. xo!

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  9. Hugs and prayers! I'm so sorry this happened, but you've handled it with such grace! I will be praying for you guys, that your perfect match comes along soon, and I'll also be praying for that little girl and her birthfamily, that all goes well with them.

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  10. wow, i've been wondering how the wait has gone but been weary of asking as well. i had no idea you were matched and met the child! the grace you have been given to handle this situation oozes from your writing. i imagine the hardest part of this is loving and giving your all, no matter what the outcome is guaranteed. i can learn a lot from your post here. i loved how you put that in a perfect world, children would have great parents and infertility wouldn't be there, but that's not where we live. really well said and gave me some food for thought.

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  11. I'm so sorry this didn't work out for you. I'll keep you in my prayers and also the baby's birth family.

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  12. I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions this brought with it. Thank you for being there for that little girl and know that you had an impact on her from the very first moments of her life.

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  13. I'm sorry I'm commenting so late.

    "We trust God with our family." so much faith in that sentence.

    Continued prayers for you my dear friend. You were once again on my heart this morning as I drove to work, so extra prayers are coming your way.

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  14. I am so. very. sorry. to read this news. I am just SO sorry. ((((HUGS))))

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